[[[[time waster]]]]

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 What job would you be terrible at?
Anything that requires building experience. Like i’m the worst at home projects and can’t imagine being entrusted to build anything ever.

 When was the last time you climbed at tree?
Probably never. I have been deathly afraid of heights ever since i can remember

 What is the most annoying habit that other people have?
Faking interest. Just be real with me, please.

What job do you think you’d be really good at?
FULL TIME BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHER.
it’s a real dream right now

What skill would you like to master?
This is a loaded question because 1_ I don’t want to take the time to learn new things right now and 2_ Am I annoying if i say something vague like editing in lightroom or something like that? Because I’d love to be a pro editor.

What songs have you completely memorized?
I can’t even list them to you. So many.

Are you usually early or late?
If it’s just me arriving, i’m early. If you add my husband or children we are always, always late. -_-

What takes up too much of your time?
Cleaning up after other people

What do you wish you knew more about?

My family history

What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said to you?

One time, when I was having a day at work in the gas station I was formerly employed by- a regular customer told me that I had a purpose and was joyful and was meant for great things and he wished me a good day. I was blown away.

 Where did your name come from?

My mom wanted to name me Ariel and thank the Lord my sister went to school and heard of a girl named Emily, she saved my life. My hair is red.

How do you want to be remembered in life?

As someone who was passionate.

 What’s the one thing you cannot live without?

My husband.

What do you want your last words to be?

I love you.

 What is something that offends you?

When people deliberately reject others.

 What is something you are certain you’ll never experience?

Hell.

 Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?

I don’t ask enough questions but I don’t settle.

 Write a letter to your 5-year-old self.

Emily, you aren’t the queen. Don’t beat your sister with the poster that claims you are. Take time to learn to love yourself. Calm down. Don’t hate your mom. Let her love you through her weirdness. Call your grandpa. Play with the cats. Make more friends. Don’t cut your bangs and don’t shave your eyebrows.

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[Motherhood Monologues]

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Here’s a teaser for my upcoming post that will be featured at JoeyHTracy.com.
A series about motherhood by moms of all different walks. I’m excited to hear from the other women who participated in this. If you’re looking forward to it, say hello below and I’ll be sure to reblog when the posts come out!
(The first one will be released today!)

perma-back burner.

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how do i change the way that i respond when other things take importance over me?

how do i not take it personally when my husband jumps in the car and doesn’t give me a hello kiss and instead jumps right into the stress of his day.
how do i not take it personally when the first 3 hours of our night together is spent talking about a kid. or the kids. or all the kids. ————————————————————-and i haven’t even been asked if my day was ok?

how can i act when i try hard to actively ask about the drama and try to be engaged, but the question or the statement is wrong or is not valid enough to not endure a 3 minute response explaining exactly what i just said.
how is it possible to not feel like i am the pot on the back burner that’s been overflowing and screaming for attention.

i don’t need ALL of the attention, just a few minutes. or an extra hug. or acknowledgement of there being a lack of attention.

we wake up to the drama of all these kids and we go to sleep to it, even on the days they’re not around. my head is full. my head is tired. i need a recoup day.

[ICB Prayer Bible Review]

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I was given another awesome opportunity to review a great, new Bible Resource from FrontGate Media. This time, The Prayer Bible for Children!

I got really excited to review this because honestly, my family needs more resources that remind us to study together and I am so far disconnected from what kids need that I’m willing to take any help I can get.

When I opened the package, I was pleased to see this beautiful dark blue Bible with gold decor. I will immediately tell you that I wish I did more research before I agreed to this review BECAUSE I am a step parent to a pre-teen and a teenager. This Bible is intended for younger aged children and I allowed myself to be disappointed by that.

If you’re a parent of young children- this Bible is fantastic! Don’t let my mistake be yours.

The Prayer Bible for Children helps children develop a heart for prayer and learn the Bible through the popular ICB translation, the simple translation children can read and understand.  Special pages throughout the text highlight the most famous and beloved prayers featured in the Bible. From Abraham’s prayers to the Lord to Jesus praying before his crucifixion to the way Paul prayed for the churches he planted, this Bible will teach young readers about a God who loves to hear from His children and loves answering prayers. This Bible includes a pocket with a prayer journal for children to record their own prayers.

Some Special Features:

  • 160 Pages of Prayer Articles throughout the text
  • 64 Four-color pages featuring poem prayers, scripture prayers, and engaging Kids’ Q&A’s
    • The full page prayer articles will help children learn how to pray, to not fear prayer, and to see within the Word how and when God’s people prayed
    • The colorful decorative pages will feature kid-friendly scripture prayers, topical poem prayers and fun questions and answers kids have about prayer
  • The Bible comes with a prayer journal as an add-on, a handy pocket on the back flap to carry the prayer journal.

Special features include 160 pages of prayer articles throughout the text and 64 four-color pages featuring poem prayers, Scripture prayers and engaging Kids’ Q&A’s. The full page prayer articles will help children learn how to pray, to not fear prayer, and to see within the Word how and when God’s people prayed. The colorful decorative pages will feature kid-friendly scripture prayers, topical poem prayers and fun questions and answers kids have about prayer. As a value-add, the Bible comes with a prayer journal and a handy pocket on the back flap to carry the prayer journal.

While I can’t discredit this company any bit in their design, the translation, the composition of this Bible- there really wasn’t much that drew me to it. My pre-teen picked it up once, thumbed through it, set it down. He never went back. I didn’t expect him to jump for joy over it, but he was overall uninterested. And my prayer journal holder ripped off the day I unpacked it. It is delicate and not very durable.

The Prayer Bible for Children is written in a manner that is simple for kids to pick up and read on their own. It’s written in a sense that allows them to gather the concept and not have to question the large, over-translated words that some of our adult Bibles feature.

If you are interested in a Prayer Bible for Children of your own, here’s the purchase links:
Blue                                                     Pink

 

 

There is a giveaway happening here

and FREEBIES & discounts here

 

Enjoy!

 

Let me know if you use this Bible! ❤

 

 

 

 

[God is GOOD]

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today i remembered that God promised me healing in His time almost 5 years ago to the day, at a prayer night at my church.
I started seeing a new chiropractor on Friday and just really feel like i need to share that this has been the most pain-free few days i’ve had in over 5 years. i steadily saw a different chiro for 2 years straight and never had this kind of relief.

 

God is good [all the time]

[independence in step parenting]

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Let me just start off by laughing at my title, “Independence in Step Parenting,” because this is not a thing. It’s so far from being a thing, I can’t believe I even typed it out like it was a thing.

Step Parenting is hard because yes, you love your kids. Yes, you care for them. Yes, you financially provide for them and might even be their health care supplier. You wake up with them in the middle of the night, pack their lunches, check their pockets before you wash their clothes, make them dinner and remind them to brush their teeth at night. But you can’t really do any of that on your own.

If you care for them differently than their biological parents want them to be cared for, you are wrong. You are inferior. You are the wrong. It is not ever the fault of the terrible teen or the moody pre-teen. It is not appropriate to share your disappointment in the failure of the kids, even if the rest of the world is disappointed, too. You are to be the friend and never the parent, unless the parent wants help. You don’t really want to be their friend though. You want to parent because you are a parent. Maybe not by birth, but you are a parent.

Just like normal families, mom and dad come from different backgrounds and have different parenting styles and different techniques. But you are step, so it doesn’t matter. Your upbringing is wrong. Your family is wrong. Your ways are wrong.

When it comes to celebrations, they are done in the way of the biological parent because, haha, after all it is their child. Not yours. And this is how it’s always been done.

If you don’t agree, it is appropriate to stop talking and to submit immediately.

We are throwing 9 a 10th birthday party against my wishes. We just moved. We’re finally in a month that doesn’t have a lot of extras- you know, like Thanksgiving and Christmas. We have seen an entire month of bills at our new house and can set expectations for what we need to shell out in order to operate. I can’t justify spending $125 on a party for someone who has 3 friends and is an hour away. I could justify doing a big, giant, fun present for this birthday but, who am I?

I say no. Then eventually just say f*ck it, do what you want. We’re having a party. It’s listed at $125, but I know it will not cost $125. We already have to pay for us to bowl + the older kids if they show. We will have to pay for food for the parents who come. We’ll have to pay for 13’s friend that his mother invited but didn’t consult us about. Us who is paying for the party and planned the entirety of it without an ounce of her help.

13 who is failing his grade for the second time and still has a tablet, a cell phone and a girlfriend. 13 who has an attitude and drives me up the wall. 13 who thinks he is 19 but refuses to take on any responsibility. 13 who took 2.5 hours to wash 1 sink of dishes on Saturday. 13 who cried when I gave him his SECOND chore of the day- to clean the small bathroom. Which he deep cleaned 2 weeks ago, so really will only take 6 minutes in its entirety. 13 who is a pompous as*hole.

I am tired of my opinions not really mattering, even when my prince says they do. I am tired of their mother having more weight than i in my own house and in my pocket book. I am sicked that she can call FOC and demand an evaluation, 30 days after we move to our new house. Why can’t we have ANYTHING to ourselves? The kids are happy. Let it be.

I am so irritated and so beaten down by this parenting gig.

What is Thanksgiving?

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Lets be honest. Nobody really celebrates the real meaning of Thanksgiving. You know, the pigrims, the hats, the journey to America things. We just don’t. We celebrate family. Days off. Shopping. Having jobs. You know, we celebrate what we like.

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But what about the holidays has made it so tough for those of us who have lost? I read on a former teacher’s Facebook page the other day that “grief is what happens when you still have love for someone and nowhere else for it to go.” it’s like your heart is bubbling over for someone and there’s no where to put the goop that runs over. And it feels so true.

I feel like there is a giant hole. There is. Having lost my step dad this year has been so odd. There are times that i don’t really.. remember or think about it and that kills me when i finally say, “Guess that CAN’T happen.” Today, driving to my dad’s house, about 8 minutes from arrival my eyes welled up. The kids were all laughing and having fun in the car. my husband was talking to me. and it just hit me. I thought i was going to lose it and i just wasn’t ready to walk in and sob. But i pulled myself together and just said out loud, ” i don’t really want to cry today.” Too bad.

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I wanted to walk in and see my dear old marvin sitting in the corner seat of my dad’s purple couch, one leg tucked under his arm. Probably in a t shirt and sweat pants or a t shirt and jeans. very casual. A warm, “Hi, sweetie” would have followed as we walked in. I miss his black hair. I miss his funny moustache. I miss teasing him about what ethnicity he was because he ALWAYS said he wasn’t mexican but there is no way he wasn’t. I miss how casual he was. I miss his laugh and his smile. I miss the way he teased my dad. And i miss him a whole lot today.

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What is thanksgiving if your family has a hole in it? Is it a day where everyone tip toes around, trying not to bring up the sad reality we all know? Is it a day where we openly weep? Where we save a spot for dear old marvin and hope that somehow, his joyful heart will have a presence there? What is it?

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Sometimes it’s hard to see through the tough times and find joy. Today i’m struggling. And i’m sorry.
I have a brand new, amazing home, which is bigger than what we need and has more land than we’ve ever even dreamed of. My husband is hunting on it right now. We have two running vehicles and each have jobs. Our kids are safe, with their mom. We have love. We have good relationships. All our parents are alive and so are our siblings. We’re all relatively healthy. Our cupboards are FULL and the heat is on. I can turn the lights on (But am currently sitting by candlelight). I have happy puppies and both have a good bill of health, finally. How can I not be grateful? How can I not be full?

We were almost home and we saw a homeless man standing in shorts on the side of the road. It’s not even 40 degrees out and there is a good amount of sharp wind. It’s thanksgiving and he’s outside, begging for help. Now, i am NOT one to pass my dollars to every homeless guy i see. by no means. but he pulled at my heart strings. where are his pants? why did i empty the clothes out of the back seat, he could use that shirt i don’t want! i have a blanket, stop the car and let me get out to give it to him “calm down.” I ask my husband for all his cash and we give this man $20 and find out he’s got a friend he’s staying with. his mom had a heart attack and they lost the house shortly after. We told him to be safe. happy thanksgiving. and he told us God bless you. we pulled away and i sobbed.

my mom doesn’t own her own car. she doesn’t have a home. she’s living out of her work vehicle and drives a taxi for a living. she’s been homeless for two years and i haven’t seen her in a long time. my heart is just broken today.

i’m so sad that i’m not full of joy and thanksgiving today, and i don’t know how to share this but in here.

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Thanksgiving isn’t the same when your family isn’t near by.

It’s not the same when you blog, alone at your kitchen table.

I miss my mom and i miss my marvin.

i am so grateful for the things i mentioned a minute ago. we had a nice dinner last night and breakfast today. i saw my family and our kids. and i am so grateful for them. today i am just very, incredibly sad.