I’m still a little bit shocked and still a little bit baffled by Mother’s Day. You probably read my Last Post and some of the initial fears and dislikes I have about Mother’s Day in general, but it got a little bit worse when all of the fears came true.
the fear of my sweet little skids forgetting about me, even though their schools are shoving Mother’s Day down their throats. the fear of them not even sending a weird text message or asking their dad to tell me HMD, since they wouldn’t be with us. the fear of getting in front of the church and standing next to the moms who have their kids with them and have their shiny new mother’s day jewlery hanging off their necks and wrists. those fears. they’re incredibly stupid but incredibly real.
and they came to fruition Sunday.
When we slept in and rolled out of bed to get ready for church. when my friends texted me Happy Mother’s Day wishes and even my own dad, but my prince didn’t muster the words. When we walked into the church and you could see it on people’s faces, “oh, I guess you are kinda a mom. happy mother’s day.” When the Associate pastor gave us our weird “meet and greet” time instructions, it was “Tell someone Happy Mother’s Day!” and that was the first time my prince said it to me. you could tell he forgot that i do mother his kids.
When 13 called my prince 4 times in one day to see if we would pick up some flowers to bring to him, to give to his mom. and didn’t pass on a “HMD” via telephone. he was already sneaking away from his mom. when the 4 phone calls turned into seven.
When we went shopping and my prince asked for help to pick out flowers for their mom. and i grew quite the attitude because i still hadn’t heard one peep. he asked “do you want some flowers?” no. i dont want your dang sympathy flowers. i wanted you to pick one from our porch and pretend the boys got it for me. or to suggest to them one of the 7 times they called that they buy a single flower for me, or write a card, or shout hello through the phone. no i dont want to spend my own money on my own flowers. no.
or when we drove to my husband’s exes house to deliver fresh mother’s day flowers on her door step. and then drove to my mother in law’s house and she shared how the sermon that morning at church was about Martha and Mary and how birthing a child is not the only way for a woman to mother. Birthing a child is not mothering. and i replied with “WHAT A CONCEPT!” and the replies i got were furrowed brows.
it really stung. i don’t NEED gifts. i dont really even want fake gifts. i just really wanted to be thought of, the first year that they were with their mom for mother’s day. i wanted them to consider me. especially since i just confessed to my husband that being in this role is so incredibly hard and lonesome and i feel so useless and dreaded, most of the time.
not a flower. not a card. not a text.