what to do when mothers day doesn’t happen

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I’m still a little bit shocked and still a little bit baffled by Mother’s Day. You probably read my Last Post and some of the initial fears and dislikes I have about Mother’s Day in general, but it got a little bit worse when all of the fears came true.

the fear of my sweet little skids forgetting about me, even though their schools are shoving Mother’s Day down their throats. the fear of them not even sending a weird text message or asking their dad to tell me HMD, since they wouldn’t be with us. the fear of getting in front of the church and standing next to the moms who have their kids with them and have their shiny new mother’s day jewlery hanging off their necks and wrists. those fears. they’re incredibly stupid but incredibly real.

and they came to fruition Sunday.

When we slept in and rolled out of bed to get ready for church. when my friends texted me Happy Mother’s Day wishes and even my own dad, but my prince didn’t muster the words. When we walked into the church and you could see it on people’s faces, “oh, I guess you are kinda a mom. happy mother’s day.”  When the Associate pastor gave us our weird “meet and greet” time instructions, it was “Tell someone Happy Mother’s Day!” and that was the first time my prince said it to me. you could tell he forgot that i do mother his kids.

When 13 called my prince 4 times in one day to see if we would pick up some flowers to bring to him, to give to his mom. and didn’t pass on a “HMD” via telephone. he was already sneaking away from his mom. when the 4 phone calls turned into seven.

When we went shopping and my prince asked for help to pick out flowers for their mom. and i grew quite the attitude because i still hadn’t heard one peep. he asked “do you want some flowers?” no. i dont want your dang sympathy flowers. i wanted you to pick one from our porch and pretend the boys got it for me. or to suggest to them one of the 7 times they called that they buy a single flower for me, or write a card, or shout hello through the phone. no i dont want to spend my own money on my own flowers. no.

or when we drove to my husband’s exes house to deliver fresh mother’s day flowers on her door step. and then drove to my mother in law’s house and she shared how the sermon that morning at church was about Martha and Mary and how birthing a child is not the only way for a woman to mother. Birthing a child is not mothering. and i replied with “WHAT A CONCEPT!” and the replies i got were furrowed brows.

it really stung. i don’t NEED gifts. i dont really even want fake gifts. i just really wanted to be thought of, the first year that they were with their mom for mother’s day. i wanted them to consider me. especially since i just confessed to my husband that being in this role is so incredibly hard and lonesome and i feel so useless and dreaded, most of the time.

not a flower. not a card. not a text.

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24 thoughts on “what to do when mothers day doesn’t happen

  1. koolaidmoms

    So very sorry. I had to walk out on my family because they were arguing so much. But, they felt awful afterwards and we worked it out. Maybe time for a talk with your husband about Mother’s Day and what it means to you?

    Liked by 1 person

    • i told him in the middle of the store that i wasn’t on board with helping him pick out flowers for his ex girlfriend. i’d gladly choose flowers for my mother in law, but i felt very strange. he takes it as a jealousy thing, he just doesn’t get it yet. i’m trying really hard to be understanding and see how HE sees me,even, but its hard.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry! You’re still a mother, even though you aren’t the mother who birthed the kids. They should still take that into appreciation and understand that. Maybe you should speak to them about it, it may not seem like much to them but it definitely is important to you.

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  3. I would tell him that for future Mother’s Day to get a pen and write this down. Tell him that you love him and the life you have but dang it YOU mother his kids. Tell him that he can give his kids an allowance to pick out a gift for their mom without you buying her flowers on Mother’s Day, but that he should encourage them to write a card, letter or call you for Mother’s Day as well. Tell him that he should plan ahead and send you a beautiful bouquet thanking you for standing by his side in a role that you sometimes feel overwhelmed by but wouldn’t trade for the world. Tell him to write you a letter telling you why he thinks you are an amazing mom. Each year. Every year. Tell him that you matter and your role matter and if you didn’t say or do anything for him for father’s day if the roles were reversed he would be hurt. Then thank him. For loving you. For loving the kids and for listening. I promise that it will make a difference. Best of luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I am really sorry ur mothers day sucked so much. But there is NO way I would ever tolerate my husband getting flowers or anything for HIS ex…..just because they share kids. That is NOT your husbands job…. His ex is NOT his mother. Plus its the worst disrespectful way to treat his Wife who does mother his kids. I actually could never tolerate that level of meanness. Its not your husbands job to do anything for his ex period.

    Now if your husband had gotten u flowers and had the kids sign a cute card to surprise u. That would be showing u just how much he appreciates all u do for him and his kids

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    • the past two years I have gotten a small flower and a note or card. So it does make it even weirder this year.
      I don’t care about the gift. I care that they remember me and think of me and value something in me.

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