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I  really struggle with finding my place. It’s something that I don’t think I’ve ever dealt with before. I really like to learn my roles and own them. excel at them. Learn how to make them better.

but this step parent thing.

It’s really freaking hard.

Where do I come in when 12 talks back to me so many times I want to scream? How many times should I respond to him before I need my prince to be involved? How long do I have to just accept that 12 is a preteen and this is normal.

Where do I come in when it’s dinner time and I’ve been cooking for an hour and nobody responds to the dinner bell (er.. me yelling at everyone to come eat. now). They stay in their seats, they don’t get up. and when they finally come sit down, they complain that they don’t want chicken or the macaroni isn’t the kind they like or God forbid they have to eat a vegetable! How. Do. I. Do. It?

I don’t know.

I am pushing through. I am fighting hard. I am lost in this place that leaves me feeling so uncertain of myself in so many ways. There are often mornings that I wake up and think that this is not the life for me. This set-aside life, this roller coaster of a life. But reality hits me and I realize I would be nothing and I would be lost without my little brats and couldn’t handle life if I didn’t have them anymore.

I don’t know how much I am actually able to share. It’s hard for me to write, some days, so I ask that you bare with me as I try to work with myself and with you in this journey.

I’ve found a lot of real life friends that are step parents and have connected them to my Facebook page and am excited to hear that they follow along. I have made friends with many of you and look forward to your comments.

I struggle with severe anxiety at times and if I don’t deal with it, it easily develops into a chronic depression that I can’t shake. I feel like I’ve been in it for a while. I just need some time, folks.

I need to find my place and figure out how to own it.

Did you fight through this too? Do you still?

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6 thoughts on “

  1. First off. You aren’t alone and I have been in your shoes. It is so hard. It is so difficult to know where YOUR place is but as cliche as it sounds…it truly takes time. It will come out of no where and you will have your “Ah Ha!” moment.
    As for dealing with rude teenagers? I mean, it’s not you, it’s them. They are angry young adults who hate everything their parents do. I would involve my husband each time the kids chose not to listen to me or talk back (granted my kids are younger but still) I let them know that too. I had to let go of worrying if they were going to hate me and worry more about what kind of example I was setting if I just let them disrespect me. I also would talk to their mom about it. I would tell her the issues that were going on and about 90% of the time, she was having the same problems. Which made me feel relieved.
    I spent many of nights crying myself to sleep. Wondering what my purpose was. I found my purpose was to be another loving and supportive parent in their lives. They both know I love them no matter what but they also know that they should respect me just like they do other adults.

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  2. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard , “It’ll get better” lol. The funny thing is , no one ever tells you how . I’ve found that boundaries work well for me . The dinner thing lasted a week until I started eating without them .

    I’ve noticed that the kids have what they need , it’s mostly my own Anxiety that’s stressful ( Thinking of what people will think , when he’ll step in or how many times ___ happened ). I made it a point to just focus on the necessities and let the relationships build . Our boundaries are set so now it’s about the actions we’ve committed to .

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    • I’m not really worried about what they think- They’re stuck with me, you know. I get stressed about how my husband views me more than anything- if he thinks i’m meeting his expectations and doing what is best for the kids. it HELPS that the kids like me and we have a good relationship, but their emotions (as preteens) are NOT my main focus.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I would set boundaries like Jess said. You have to lead by example. I don’t care if you’re rude and having a bad day you don’t get to disrespect me. Respect is a minimum you pay for being allowed to have hot meals, a roof over your head and clothes on your back. You are loved and appreciated and I respect you so I expect the same would be what I would tell them. Also, I would eat dinner without them. Call them once or twice and then eat dinner. They are old enough to tell time so if they miss dinner then they go to bed hungry. It’s okay to set rules in your house.

    Liked by 2 people

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