I really struggle with finding my place. It’s something that I don’t think I’ve ever dealt with before. I really like to learn my roles and own them. excel at them. Learn how to make them better.
but this step parent thing.
It’s really freaking hard.
Where do I come in when 12 talks back to me so many times I want to scream? How many times should I respond to him before I need my prince to be involved? How long do I have to just accept that 12 is a preteen and this is normal.
Where do I come in when it’s dinner time and I’ve been cooking for an hour and nobody responds to the dinner bell (er.. me yelling at everyone to come eat. now). They stay in their seats, they don’t get up. and when they finally come sit down, they complain that they don’t want chicken or the macaroni isn’t the kind they like or God forbid they have to eat a vegetable! How. Do. I. Do. It?
I don’t know.
I am pushing through. I am fighting hard. I am lost in this place that leaves me feeling so uncertain of myself in so many ways. There are often mornings that I wake up and think that this is not the life for me. This set-aside life, this roller coaster of a life. But reality hits me and I realize I would be nothing and I would be lost without my little brats and couldn’t handle life if I didn’t have them anymore.
I don’t know how much I am actually able to share. It’s hard for me to write, some days, so I ask that you bare with me as I try to work with myself and with you in this journey.
I’ve found a lot of real life friends that are step parents and have connected them to my Facebook page and am excited to hear that they follow along. I have made friends with many of you and look forward to your comments.
I struggle with severe anxiety at times and if I don’t deal with it, it easily develops into a chronic depression that I can’t shake. I feel like I’ve been in it for a while. I just need some time, folks.
I need to find my place and figure out how to own it.
Did you fight through this too? Do you still?