A few weeks ago I gave you a little snippet of my history with Car accidents and healing. This is another post like that.
I live in a state that has 60 degree weather on Monday and underlying ice on all the roads by Thursday. It’s unsafe to drive, your winter coat is already packed away, and your husband broke your windshield wiper while he was scraping your car off. It’s temperamental. So waking up to thick ice on the roads and a 35 minute commute to work is terrifying to someone with a living illness like PTSD.
PTSD can be found when “The person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event where there was the threat of or actual death or serious injury. The event may also have involved a threat to the person’s physical well-being or the physical well-being of another person.” (verywell.com)
A lot of people still attribute this to the “Combat Disease”that only takes place in military vets. It’s much more popular than this. An estimated 5% of the American population suffers from PTSD according to sidran.org.
This morning, I was on my way to work and the roads were icy. Not slippery. ICY. Hard ice. rough turns. I drove slow, at least 10-15 mph under the speed limit, as did everyone else around me. I was at least 5 car lengths behind the trailblazer in front of me, taking my time. I saw their back tires slip and start to fishtail and i started panicking. They immediately turned left, probably to try and avoid hitting the car in the lane next to them. But this made them cross three lanes (which no one was driving in, they werent clear) and crash head on into the 5 foot concrete median.
Now, a normal person would still probably get a little scared or a little worried. I burst into tears. I can’t help it. I sob. I almost have to pull my car over because I am so overwhelmed with the idea of another car accident. I call the police, their car lights turned off when they hit the median. There were semis around me, so I couldn’t pull over to see if the driver was okay. Police are coming.
I am driving along and praying for this person and crying harder.
I don’t even have to be the one in the accident for it to interfere with me.
It’s not all related to driving. If my husband drops a glass onto the counter, like he did last night. It shocks me. i cry. I collapse.
Once, in the movie theater, we were watching 10 Cloverfield Lane, in the beginning there is an accident. they practically tell you someone is going to get into an accident, but when it happened I screamed. out loud. in the movie theater. I bent over and sobbed. Uncontrollable sobbing. From a MOVIE. Something not even REAL. My husband laughed at first and then realized I couldn’t stop and he tried to help me. I had to leave.
So here I sit. Four hours after i saw a car hit a concrete median. It’s hard to speak to anyone. It’s hard to lift my head. Noise is confusing. I am crippled this morning. Here I sit silently.
I know this post isn’t in my norm but i feel like it’s important to share about all types of mental disorders, even PTSD in its weird forms. There is help. There are treatments. You aren’t alone, if you’re someone like me who can’t handle when the doors get shut too hard or the car stops too suddenly. You aren’t alone.