This morning, I was sharing with my coworker that I got about 4 hours of sleep and I ruined my husband’s night of sleep, too. I have a terrible back due to a rear end collision a few years ago, plus a drunk driver a couple years later, so sleep isn’t really a comfortable thing for me. We have an extremely soft mattress and have been in agonizing pain sleeping on it since last October. We caved and got a mattress that was squishier than what we need and have paid for it every night since. Thankfully, my fantastic boss gave us a portion of last year’s profits and allowed Prince Charming and I to go mattress shopping last weekend and (hopefully) solve the bad mattress problem.
We ate a lot of junk food last night and I already had back and neck aches, so I knew sleep wasn’t going to come easy. To my surprise, I fell asleep before Charming put down his phone and was out for a few hours. Then 2:30am hits and all hell broke loose. I woke up, stretched, drank water, used the restroom, stretched, laid down. Rolled over. Rolled again. Laid on my back. Pulled the covers, kicked them off, rolled again. Sighed. Rolled. Slept for 3 minutes, woke up to back pains. Rolled, kicked, sighed, etc.
Prince Charming is usually a deep sleeper, I think I could perform surgery on him and he wouldn’t even know he was being touched. Except last night, he felt every twist and turn and heard every sigh, felt every movement. And I felt bad. He tried to snuggle me tightly, almost to keep me in place. But I can’t handle that. I get up again. He sighs and I apologize and get a “I just want to be sleeping!”
I share my silly nights sleep and the way I probably ruined my husband’s day with my coworker and she says, “you don’t have a couch he can just sleep on?” and I said well I do. But he has to sleep by me. We don’t do that.
And she scoffed.
And it made me flash back to a few times I’ve had conversations like this with other newlyweds or married couples.When we had only been married about 6 weeks, I had a church trip I was attending out of state- he couldn’t come. I shared my room with the Associate Pastor’s wife, so we could have a cheaper hotel rate. There were 5 people in our group, so guys shared one room and girls were in the other (2 rooms instead of potentially 4.) AP came to the room every morning and night and hugged her for what seemed like hours. He just missed her. He didn’t like being away from her. I teased them a little bit, but they said I mean, you get it? Prince Charming isn’t here.. you know what it’s like to be away from your spouse. It’s just different. And it was a breath of relief to hear another couple share that they felt the same way. I was feeling like a needy 16 year old girlfriend who hadn’t seen her boyfriend in 5 hours, I missed my husband so badly. And that’s how I think I’d feel if one of us just took to the couch.
Being away from my spouse is not something I will ever choose to do. Sleeping next to him is something that I waited 2 years to do. I value it. My favorite part of the day is when he leans over and hugs and kisses me before we go to sleep and when I wake up with his arm flopped on me somehow. He is there at the very beginning of my day and at the very end. I will never be the wife that sends her husband to the couch because he snores or is too floppy. I would rather endure the crappy night of sleep to be able to remain at his side, than have to sleep in another room away from him.
My heart honestly breaks for couples who sleep separately. Who are okay with sleeping in other rooms or going to bed separately (there are times when it’s okay, just not all the time, right?). It seems like they miss out on something huge. Going to sleep next to my Prince is a recharge, when things are tough or times are heavy, he is there. If I can’t sleep, he is there. If I am fearful, he is there. If he wakes up panicked, I am there. If his back hurts, I am there to sleepily try to rub it for him. You get the picture. He is there when I need him and I am there when he needs me. And all the times in between.
I just wonder what your thoughts are on this- am I overly attached to think that if my husband slept on the couch, I would miss him too much? Is it weird to think that my coworker’s scoff at me wanting to share my bed with my husband was almost… offensive?