Big, giant, separate families

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Okay so the intro picture does no justice to what I’m talking about here, but we have to give credit to this guy and the amount of kids there! 14 kids, you deserve to be my featured image, Chris.

Anyway, with the holidays coming up- so are the parties. I’ve never been a part of a “normal” family. I come from a home that had divorced parents, so multiple Thanksgiving parties and Christmases is typical. It made it great because we got double the food and got to see more people and had to stay less long, because we always had to hit the other family stops, too!

Prince Charming’s family is pretty terrible at showing up for events, so trying to do family get togethers can be extremely difficult. This year, we celebrated Thanksgiving a few weeks early and all but ONE family member showed! It was amazing. All of the siblings, a grandparent, the parents, grandkids and one carrying a great grand kid all came to join us around dinner. It also happened to be 20s birthday, so we were excited to celebrate with him on his actual birthday- instead of a few days later.

But all of the kids mentioned that 20 had a birthday party the night before. 20’s biological dad, Prince Charming, wasn’t invited. Wasn’t told. Wasn’t given a second thought. and it’s because of me.

A few days ago, 17 posted pictures of her baby shower (that’s a whole other story in itself), a baby shower we knew nothing about. We did have one already, but were shocked that again, 17’s father wasn’t even invited. because of me.

Prince Charming used to share Christmas and Thanksgiving with baby mommas. Not because they were still in love, but because they felt like it was important for their kids to see the parents acting like a unit, even though they were separate. I thought it was cool until I started dating Prince Charming. Prince Charming was invited to everything. Birthdays, showers, strange random events, holidays. You name it. Since I’ve shown up (THREE YEARS AGO), the invites have stopped.

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My heart hurts, looking at this photo that I googled. This is one family. I can’t even find a photo to represent what I am sharing with you. We are one family divided into three. There are three homes. There are three separate sets of rules. There are three separate parent units (Mom + boyfriend, ex Step mom(mom to 8,12), Dad + thestepmomma) for these kids to respond to. There are too many pulls on them. And I hate that I am a source of that.

My heart hurts that there are these visible divides in our family. It hurts because I know that I am the source of much of that divide. I know much of the dissent lies in their relationship with PC, but I am an easier target because I am new. And fragile. And able to be hurt.

I wish I could share how sorry I am without sounding like I am pitying myself. I am in love with my husband and these kids. I would do anything for them. I will do everything I can for them. I also greatly wish that I could not be an obstacle for their father. How do I do that?

When can we have a unified family front? Where we can all work together and love together and even disagree together- productively.

Chris and his million kids.

random family here

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4 thoughts on “Big, giant, separate families

  1. We deal with the same issues and I know for us there really doesn’t seem like much resolution. We just make the best of what comes and enjoy the three children we have together. Unfortunately, it seems as if it is the adults who cause all this strife, not the kids.

    Liked by 1 person

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