to succeed or not to succeed…

Standard

Success: defined as “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose” by a dictionary somewhere.

what’s it really mean though? so many people define this word in such a variety of ways. does success mean checking a task off your list? (if we’re talking about me here.. YES. can i get an Amen from all my Type A’s?) does it mean finding your dream date and getting them to down on one knee with a shiny rock in their hand? or having the 2.5 kids and white picket fence? how about the 4 digit bank account… PRE DECIMAL. the great grades, the shiny house..?

or does it mean accomplishing the feat of reading your entire stack of books you’ve been putting off for the past two years. cleaning the gutters. saving every penny of what you need for your summer vacation. does it mean having a happy kid? healthy dogs and a smiling spouse?

who gets to define this? some days i feel like i’m a million bucks. like hey you, world. watch out because this broke, full time student part time barista is comin’ atcha and ain’t nobody gonna rain on this parade. days like that i feel successful. i feel complete and whole and i think sometimes the feeling of success can change.

because the next day, i can be reminded of the pile of bills against my minimum wage income, my list of homework due in 2 days, the masses of kids clothes (where do all of these come from? i swear i did laundry yesterday…), the beaten down car i drive and whatever else comes in to tear me down. those days, its harder to call myself successful.

today i feel good. this week, my work is extremely slow and i’ve gotten more chances to talk to customers than normal. we’re all sort of dying for human contact lately and i think they should’ve hired someone to make sure that we all go back to our jobs instead of talking at the coffee stand as long as we do. this week, i had one customer just share how much she loves me being a part of our workplace, that i am always happy and have a great personality. today i had someone tell me that i had a beautiful soul. another one compliment me as i told her i needed a real job. i had 3 people take business cards for my photography side job and seriously consider hiring me. i felt like a million bucks. but where did it come from? i thought about what i use to validate my feelings and how sometimes, a person can say the exact same statement to me one day and the next, and they’ll trigger new emotions in me each time. i thought about how my kiddos are overall happy and very well taken care of, they don’t dread being around us (anymore!), my husband and i are both working as much as we can and busting our butts in school, and our smelly dogs have food. i think about how i am grateful for my relationship with Christ and the way he teaches me that worldly success isn’t something i need, but something that i strive for, personally.

i wonder if anyone else feels this way. how do you validate your success? do you feel like you are successful? in what ways are you not… how can you be?

#hustlehard ladies, it’s worth it. whether the hustle is at home washing clothes and cleaning up the spider webs or in a gas station, selling jerky and 20 oz sodas. do what you have to do to find what makes you feel successful and keep at it. you’re a badass mom who is working hard to keep what you have and to better yourself and your family. if you weren’t, you wouldn’t be reading a blog that’s trying to link us all together, right?

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