well. here it is. i deleted my page because my husband felt that the internet was pulling me from him. and it was. he was right. i didn’t save my work, some of my favorite pieces of writing and some of my best forms of self-inspiration (and the help of you guys and your comments telling me to keep it up) were deleted because i just said “okay” and clicked the trash can. i am bummed. and i am here again.

if i am honest. i have not told my husband that i am the owner of a blog or that it’s about the weirdness of life as a stepmom. not that i have things on here to hide from him, mainly because i think it’ll make him think differently each day and this is really just a secret place to vent. there’s 1 human who knows who i am in real life and knows this exists and knows i reopened my site yesterday. ย just 1. my dear friend and momma to my goddaughter. a gem.

today is one of those hard, recuperation days. sometimes, when we have the kids for the weekend i feel the need to stay in bed for most of the morning and just rest. they aren’t little and don’t demand a lot. but even hearing voices all day, whether they’re directed to me or to another person or a dog, can be draining. this past weekend we had them for four days in a row and had a severe blow out on one of those days, making it all the tougher.

so on recoup day this week, i was scheduled to work. and at about 9:35am my head started exploding and spinning and the black dots came and the pressure came and i couldn’t hardly see straight, let alone do my job the right way. one person returned their order because the vanilla was too weak. i’ve never had a drink returned. ever. i tried ibuprofen, super maximum strength and it didnt help. tried chiropractic and even let them use the massage tool on me (this is a big no no). slept. drank water. drank pop. put ice on it. laid down. nothing is helpful.

so i sit here waiting for my husband to be done with his class and hoping i don’t puke my guts out before he comes back. today is rough and recoup day is important, my friends.


photo here

is it strange to have a recoup day? am i the only one? how do you keep your sanity? what do you do to stay alert and alive?


4 thoughts on “nothing.

  1. Gem. And the Holograms. You can tell by my hair.

    You have a recuperation day, I have an anticipation day (and I’ll spare you the details of what my stomach goes through), and my child has a transition day. Relationships are tricky things. So are the ramifications of divorce. No wonder a God hates it. People hurt in ways they’d never dreamed. Even when the divorce is Biblically justified.
    Tell your husband. Give him the intimacy of your secret. Your trying-to-process. Your navigating-without-a-map. Being vulnerable is always a risk. But it’s the only chance at experiencing relationships at their deepest level.
    And keep writing. Someone needs this. Especially you โค

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too am new to this and I too need a secret place to vent. A place to escape. There is nothing I will say on here that he shouldn’t already know but refuses to understand or take ownership for. Some things are better left unsaid. I don’t have recuperation days but feel my second husband does. lol I have more of a day of dread every other week in the summer time and it makes me sick to this day. I love your honesty!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • thestepmomma

      exactly- nothing is really hidden other than the fact that there’s this compiled piece of work relating to the kids. i’m very open with him on where i stand if i feel it’s necessary or holding me back and could hurt our relationship. it’s so important.

      Liked by 1 person

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